Thoughts

I would be lying if I said that the last week has been wonderful.  It actually hasn't.  I think the initial excitement and anticipation has been replaced by worry, stress and the reality that this process is going to be much harder than I thought.

I just ate an entire bag of mini-chocolate donuts. 

I'm realizing that the process of adoption is like riding a roller-coaster without being buckled in.  You are clinging on for dear life and hoping that you can hold on long enough for the ride to come to a stop.  Today, I felt like I might lose my grip. 

Besides the intense paper-chase and long list of requirements to fulfill, this process is emotionally draining.  I feel like my heart is on the outside of my chest and I need to work extra hard to protect it.  So much of this is completely out of our control.  I'm working on learning to trust the process and hand the rest over to The One who is ultimately in charge.

It seems sleep for me is a thing of the past.  I can usually fall asleep, but if I wake up in the middle of the night and let my mind start going, I can never fall back asleep. This is a recurring cycle that is really starting to take a toll on me.  The other night, I woke up like usual, at 2am.  I decided that I would come downstairs and do some work on the computer.  I checked my email and saw that I had a message from my sister, Amanda.  She sent me a picture that she had received from her Seattle friend who was recently at the orphanage in Ethiopia picking up her baby she's adopting. She is the same friend who hand delivered the two scrapbooks to Amanda's kids in the same orphanage a couple weeks ago.  She's the one who took THE picture (see first post).  The one that started this whole thing.  Well, a few days ago this friend sent another picture to Amanda that she had taken that same day.

It was a picture of Amanda's girl Hana and our girl Nyah, with their arms around each other.  I bawled. Turns out, our girls are really good friends. 

And they have no idea.  No idea that they are going to be cousins.  No idea that they will forever be tied through the bonds of family and that their friendship will continue beyond the walls of that orphanage.  I can't help but wonder if it wasn't the prayers of Amanda's Hana for her sweet little friend that has brought us to this point.

I can't help but wonder what would be different if my sister hadn't sent me THAT picture 17 days ago and if our sweet girl hadn't been looking right at the camera. So many things had to happen just right.  I like to think that things still would have played out the same way.  But, they really might not have.

Tonight for FHE, Ren and Kennedy taught a lesson on the bible story David and Goliath.  We talked about how we have many "Goliath's" in our life.  We are faced with them through trials and temptations.  We are taught that we can conquer them through faith and with the Lord's help. 

I have realized over the last few days that we are faced with many Goliath's in regard to this adoption process.  One of the biggest obstacles we are facing is the enormous expense. I really had no idea going into this how insanely expensive this would be.  I won't impose my political and social economic views on you right now, but just say that it's all just very frustrating.  There isn't a single step in this process that doesn't have some sort of fee attached to it.  In order to get further in the process, we are required to come up with a substantial amount of money that no average, middle-class-American household would have sitting in their bank account. 

I refuse to throw my hands up in the air and give up on something I feel passionate about because we don't have the funds to make it happen.  I am blessed to have a man by my side who assures me that miracles do happen and that we will find a way.

I've been mulling over this and after thinking long and hard about it, I've decided to organize a few different fundraisers.  Initially, this was something I would never have considered.  I thought, this is OUR decision and I would never want to rope any of our friends and family into participating in an annoying fundraiser.  I wouldn't want to make them feel guilty or feel obligated to give to our cause.  Then,  I realized (after talking to friends and family) that there are people who WANT to help.  If only in just the smallest of ways.  What better way to be a part of our adoption process, then knowing that you directly or indirectly contributed to the bringing home of two sweet children from Ethiopia who may never have had a chance before. What a blessing!

A few different projects are in the works and I'm hoping I can get the details of them up tomorrow or Wednesday.  So, check back in a couple days and we'll share what we're thinking.  We would love feedback!